Do you still watch Friends on E4? No, wait it’s on Comedy Central now because E4 thought they were too good for Friends. Do you still try to pause the episode at just the right moment to capture a weird Joey face? Do you still point out when Rachel isn’t wearing a bra and it’s just a little too cold? Do you still nearly wet yourself at Ross’ L-O-V-E speech or at Chandler singing ‘Tomorrow’? I haven’t watched Friends in a while – I got the box set for Christmas five years ago but it’s just not the same without the Appletiser adverts and I don’t watch them on the TV anymore because I only have Freeview. Wait, did you think I was going to say that I don’t watch now because it’s not the same without you? Awkward. This isn’t a ‘I love you and I want you back’ thing. It’s not even an ‘I miss you’ thing. I guess if I were to watch an episode I might think of you or one of the many sarcastic comments you made as we binge watched the whole series that summer, but a thought doesn’t mean anything really. Maybe I wouldn’t find the episode where Phoebe finds the thumb in her drink can so funny now, or maybe I’d laugh harder at Monica’s hair in Barbados. I don’t know, but either way I don’t think that depends on you anymore. I was talking to some guy the other day about Friends and he leaned in, looking so far into my eyes that it was almost a violation, and whispered, ‘How you doin’?’ in his best Joey voice. I didn’t even think of how you used to do that to me until way later, and doesn’t that tell you something? I think it does. You probably think I’m pathetic. That would matter to me if I gave a tiny rats ass about what you thought about me. This is all irrelevant anyway. I bet you don’t even watch Friends anymore.